Ehrenberg's Musings

A little bit of humor

2006-07-14T10:30:00.000-07:00

It is often said that the best way to survive living in dictatorship is jokes. The black humour that results from these conditions makes live tolerable goes the argument. Last May I was lucky enough to see Hammer and Tickle at the Tribeca Film Festival (here is one positive review). The film traced the humour that evolved as a response to socialism in Eastern Europe and was directed by Ben Lewis. I thought the film was amazing. It was funny, informative, and not over bearing – a trait that is often lacking in documentaries. In short: I recommend it.

After seeing the movie I had an opportunity to chat with the director. Back then he wasn’t sure that the movie would be released on DVD or video, which is too bad because I’d definitely buy it if it was. In any case, he has recently published an article in the UK which crossed my eyes – and I wanted to share a joke:

A man dies and goes to hell. There he discovers that he has a choice: he can go to capitalist hell or to communist hell. Naturally, he wants to compare the two, so he goes over to capitalist hell. There outside the door is the devil, who looks a bit like Ronald Reagan. "What's it like in there?" asks the visitor. "Well," the devil replies, "in capitalist hell, they flay you alive, then they boil you in oil and then they cut you up into small pieces with sharp knives.""That's terrible!" he gasps. "I'm going to check out communist hell!" He goes over to communist hell, where he discovers a huge queue of people waiting to get in. He waits in line. Eventually he gets to the front and there at the door to communist hell is a little old man who looks a bit like Karl Marx. "I'm still in the free world, Karl," he says, "and before I come in, I want to know what it's like in there." "In communist hell," says Marx impatiently, "they flay you alive, then they boil you in oil, and then they cut you up into small pieces with sharp knives.""But… but that's the same as capitalist hell!" protests the visitor, "Why such a long queue?"

"Well," sighs Marx, "Sometimes we're out of oil, sometimes we don't have knives, sometimes no hot water"

Meanwhile, I can't help thinking that perhaps Holland is merely a bit like socialist hell...cause everything always seems to be closed.

The Goat’s Cigarettes

2006-06-25T04:22:00.000-07:00

So apparently the UK doesn’t have enough things to keep it busy. Those deployments in Iraq, Afghanistan and Balkans are clearly not enough to occupy the Queen’s merry men. So in an effort to keep busy it seems some UK military units are spending times discussing the proper punishment for a regimental pet that walked out of line during a parade. You can read more about this here.

My two favourite highlights:

- Now that Billy the Goat has been demoted, soldiers no longer have to salute him. To me this implies that we had a unit of the UK military going around and saluting a goat. I can just imagine foreign visitors walking around seeing this and thinking: “this explains why the empire fell apart.”
- Billy the Goat apparently has a cigarette addiction. However, he prefers chewing tobacco not smoking it, as he eats the two cigarettes provided to him daily.

For your trivia buffs out there. Apparently the goat has been a Mascot of the 1st Battalion, Royal Welsh for over 150 years since it was adopted during the Crimean War when the UK, and others beat the shit out of the Russian Army after Russia thought to influence European politics a bit too adventurously.

A Polite Thief

2006-06-24T06:30:00.000-07:00

This week I was introduced to a creature that I believe to be unique to the Netherlands: the Polite Thief. You may be asking what is this creature. Well, let me tell you.

This week I finally procured a bike from my landlord. Despite the fact that my first attempt to use the bike was a bit adventurous (I will write more on this later, but let me assure you no one was hurt in the accident) I actually became quite attached to this bike. It is an old bike. It is rusting, the seat is torn, the breaks don't work, the light doesn't work, the gear shifts don't work. Not exactly a prized possession. Still, I was fond of it and having heard about the Dutch penchant for stealing bikes I locked my bike outside of my apartment and went to watch England in the World Cup at a nearby pub. I come back 2 hours later and no bike. I was actually quite upset, called my landlord (who had donated to me his bike) and let him know.

24 hours later: I come back from work to find my bike where I had left it, minus the lock of course. On it is a note in Dutch. I call my landlord who comes over and translates the note which says: "sorry, it was an emergency."

Realizing that the bike was "borrowed" not stolen the landlord informs me - you were a victim of the polite thief. Wonderful little country, the Netherlands.

Clubbing in Amsterdam

2006-06-04T05:35:00.000-07:00

Yesterday a few friends and I decided to take a night trip into Amsterdam. We were going with the intention of catching a comedy show at Boom Chicago and going clubbing. All in all – it was a crazy amount of fun (didn’t get home till 6:20 in the morning) – totally a flashback to the old college days (at least the dancing).

First of all, Boom Chicago is totally worth it. It is obviously a tourist trap – I mean it’s a comedy show in English in Amsterdam – but it’s a fun one. The troupe was pretty good, the beer was pretty cheap, and the food (once you got over that you can’t take bacon of a bacon cheeseburger – the cook simply could not get his mind around the request (sat – this place is made for you) – was pretty damn good. The show was half improv half comedy – and it offered a nice balance.

Boom Chicago is located in the middle of a little social area of Amsterdam. The area is crowded, but it has a shit load of awesome bars and restaurants. After getting out of Boom Chicago we had to kill a few hours - it was still too early to go clubbing - so we went to a bar next door. The bar turned out to be a bit of a dive bar, with live bands playing covers of rock/pop starts – and was awesome. First of all, there were three pool tables and you did not have to fight to keep them (when was the last time that happened in New York). Second of all, the main band called Red Hot Chili Bastards (yah, the name is silly, poster is worse(think abbey road record cover - except naked with clogs covering the male genatalia) was pretty good. One girl in our group even wound up on stage dancing and singing with them at some point.

Then we went clubbing. The first thing about clubbing in Amsterdam is that there are “allowed drugs” and “not-allowed drugs,” and they are quite serious in checking for the not allowed variety. I’ve been patted down before, but this was something else. I’ve never been groped so much in my life. They even checked every pocket of my wallet. The second thing is that unlike New York where you can’t smoke in clubs, in Amsterdam everyone smokes. I didn’t realize how much I am no longer used to smoky environs, as my eyes burned for the first two hours with all the smoke in the air. On the other hand, the Club is more civilized in that water is free – and not in small wimpy glasses but in big mugs.

Other highlights of the night: the music was good, got hit on by some guy who was both rather forward, quite annoying, and smelled like piss cologne, and the paid dancers were worth the price of admission on their own. Now if my legs would only stop hurting so I could go study….

Waiting for the Phone to Ring

2006-06-02T14:12:00.000-07:00

Waiting for the phone to ring sucks…. You keep looking at it…waiting for it to ring, and yet it doesn’t. I’ve spent the better part of the day waiting for it to wring (first my boss, then a friend from overseas) and it gets tiring. On the positive side – it gives one a chance to blog.

I’m getting increasingly used to the Hague. And finding pleasant things about it. For example, I’ve recently had one of the best fajitas I’ve ever had. They had just the right amount of scallions. Yum.

On the other hand, I’ve noticed two disturbing things. First, this is a place designed for Sat. Buying meat that is not pork in the supermarket is a challenge, and to be perfectly safe stick to chicken.

Second, the TV here sucks. Three different channels all showing American Pie, at the same time. You’d have to work to plan that. Plus, I still don’t speak Dutch, so even when I do find something I like, I can’t find the channel again.

Oh, well, Clubbing in Amsterdam tomorrow – that should be fun.

European Sillines

2006-05-28T07:29:00.000-07:00

When one is trying to save money one will sometimes buy Japanese noodles flavored in different ways. Also known as Ramen. Now...in the States this is a common form of cheap food and a package may run about 30 cents or so. Maybe 50 if you're really an extravagant shopper.

Went to store to buy food, and was trying to find a way to save money. Makes sense. Nothing special. Thought I'd pick up a few packages of Ramen while I was at it. It simple to make, I (unlike my roommates) like the taste, so why not. 3.50 Euro/package – that’s why not. Who the hell charges what amounts to 5 bucks for a bag of ROMMEN???? I realize Europe is further from

Japan

than the States, but come one, this is simply ridiculous. On the bright side however – all the sugar based coke one can want.

The Hague: Week One

2006-05-28T03:46:00.000-07:00

To the two of you who read this blog, I apologize for my extended absence. Partially this has been my fault, as I got distracted with such things as papers and exams, and partially it has been the fault of my computer which had a difficult time getting back online over the past week. In any case, I am back – and intend to start posting regularly now that I have both the time and the high speed connection.

Having recently moved to the Hague, Netherlands I’ve spent the last week moving into my new apartment, starting a new job, and doing the like. This has had a few adventures of its own. For example it took me almost a week (and far too much money) just to convert my computer to the European electric grid. Lot of fun let me tell you. So after a week here my three biggest observations:

3. The Dutch do not like people from the Middle East. In fact, this was one of my first observations once I arrived at the airport. In and of itself, this is not surprising. Given the recent controversies over the cartoons, Theo Van Gough, and the murder of a rising politician the animosity is not surprising. But it shocked me to the extent that it has penetrated the local culture. This isn’t a matter of different political opinions, it is straight up racism. You know the one, Europeans often accuse American’s off. One of the first things I heard out of my landlord’s mouth after he picked me up from the airport was a suggestion that the Turkish driver in front of him go drive a camel which is all that he is capable off. At first I dismissed this as a random person. Having taken the tram twice in recent days however, I found that when Muslims (think girls with headscarfs) get on a tram and sit down, the Dutch sitting in the area will simply get up and move. Just odd. At least to me.
2. This city closes far too early. Most stores are closed by 5:30, maybe 6:30 if you are absolutely lucky. This has made getting objects like electricity converters, phone cards, and the like almost impossible as most people *gasp* work until 5:30 and it takes a while to walk/bike (which is how almost everyone gets around the Hague) anywhere. This has resulted in odd situations like me having to eat at a Burger King the first night I was here, because nothing else was open after 8pm. Which at least to me seems odd, but that’s just the way it is. The Hague is a beautiful city – but simply put it closes early. Not much to be done about that.

1. God does not want this city here. How is that you ask. Well, see, the Dutch have spent generations building dykes, damns and other barriers in an effort to keep their cities (Amsterdam too has this problem) above water. God, however, seem to have other ideas, which is why every day the water comes into the city not from the sea but from the heavens. IT RAINS ALL THE TIME. Most of the time this place is so grey, cloudy, windy, and cold that it begins to remind me of Chicago. (AS this city is not for you – it makes New York seem tropical by comparison. Even my dad, who hates heat, was “looking forward to Detroit and the 80 degree temperatures). Maybe this weather wouldn’t be that bad – if one was properly prepared for it. Me? Of course not. I assumed that living in Europe was going to be all about being hot and muggy and actively focused on brining close for a tropical climate. Hell, I wouldn’t have even brought a jacket had a friend of mine not told me to at next to last second (thanks AJD). Then again – if I can figure out how to turn the heat on in the apartment on – perhaps I’ll be less bitter.

Heroes in Academia

2006-04-05T09:53:00.000-07:00

Sorry for being gone so long. Been crazy busy, but this has actually forced me to take time out of my schedule.

Over my career in college and later law school I have been truly blessed to have an opportunity to study with intellectual giants. Most of my professors were quite smart as demanded by their posts, but a select few have become people worthy not only of academic appreciation, but of admiration, respect and a desire to emulate. First, was Professor Gitelman at the University of Michigan. Dr. Gitelman was one of many who has inspired me to go into academia, but who also showed how one's role as an academic can also be used to play a role in the cultural community to which one belongs. To me, and many others of my background, Dr. Gitelman played an important role and I hope that if I have the opportunity to become a professor I will play a similar role in the eyes of others.

I bring this up because of this article which appears in the Washington Post today. The article is yet another response to the, now largely discredited, study published by John Mearsheimer and Stephen Walt. It is published by Eliot Cohen, a professor at John Hopkins School of Advanced International Studies, one of the best graduate programs in the country. In particular what motivated me out of my dull drums is not that Cohen, once again skewers the study. That I've seen done by many. What impressed me was Cohen's willingness to attack the slightly less covered aspect of Mersheime and Walt's writting - namely that Jews somehow can't be loyal to America if they support Israel. An argument that is historically patently untrue - just ask Henry Kissinger - and which I find offensive. So its nice to read this in the Washington Post:

If this sounds personal, it is, although I am only a footnote target for Mearsheimer and Walt. I am a public intellectual and a proud Jew; sympathetic to Israel and extensively engaged in our nation's military affairs; vaguely conservative and ocasionally hawkish. In a week my family will celebrate Passover with my oldest son -- the third generation to serve as an officer in the United States Army. He will be home on leave from the bomb-strewn streets of Baghdad. The patch on his shoulder is the same flag that flies on my porch.

Other supposed members of "The Lobby" also have children in military service. Impugning their patriotism or mine is not scholarship or policy advocacy. It is merely, and unforgivably, bigotry.

Puts a smile on my face.

I didn't have a chance to study with Prof. Cohen, but I wish there were more people like him and Dr. Gitelman - renowned academicians who are also a credit to their community. Additionally, I couldn't help posting about Cohen's article, after all seems like its something Ilya would do.

2006-03-15T10:18:00.000-08:00

It is now clear that unless the DOJ is able to successfully appeal yesterday's ruling it seems that the 20th hijacker will not be executed. Whether you support the death penalty or not what happened in this case should trouble you. It appears one of the government lawyers coached witnesses by giving them information about what others would be testifying to, in order to avoid any potential contradiction. Now, of course lawyers should strive to make sure that witnesses don't contradict other witnesses - however, they are not allowed to coach witnesses in how to answer questions.

Based on my own, limited legal experience it seems like in real life witness coaching happens - but is usually quite limited, ensuring the integrity of the legal process. Lawyers may meet with witnesses, show them previous deposition transcripts, etc - and worn them of potential dangerous areas. That's normal, and is probably even helpful to ensuring that the adjudicative process produces a coherent story (always a plus, right). In this case, however, there was a order from a judge that prohibited this type of behavior. The government lawyer in question decided that the order did not apply to her.

The sad thing here is that this will all get blamed on the Bush DOJ, and its not their fault. They treid to comply with the order. Heck, lets be honest, they didn't have to cheat to get this guy the needle. Instead, it was a lawyer in a different government agency (the FAA) that decided to "take initiative." I can't help but feel that this is all a result of "we-must-win-at-all-cost" philosophy. The guy is a terrorist, we should kill terrorist, rules and procedures - these are unnecessary.

That lawyers in government (particularly those that are not career prosecutors - who are socialized by their years of experience hunting criminals, and learn to play by the role) hold this view - that's not surprising. Look at their bosses. You have Dick Chaney who seems to think that the President is some sort of a demi-g-d and you have Bill Frist, who can't seem to understand that public debate makes us stronger, not weaker. More on this later.

Tired Reletavism.

2006-03-10T20:23:00.000-08:00

I think I feel as if I am about to collapse from exhaustion. I've just spent 9 straight hours working on my thesis - which I swear, is never actually getting done. And the scary thing: after this, all I can show for it is 500 new words. I feel like I've been hit on the head, my brain damaged and have been sent back to re-learn English in second grade. aye.

For those few who actually read this blog - sorry for not posting more recently. Its been a crazy few weeks - complete with missed deadline, surprise assignments and, of course, the requisite bitch session now and again. I swear - I need the day to be 30 hours long. Than again, I'd just fill it with 36 hours worth of stuff. hmm.

I suppose I shouldn't complain. At least I am not working as an I-banker, or lawyer in private practice. Actually, thinking about it - I think my life ain't that bad. I remember two years ago I was interviewing for post-graduation jobs, and wanted some advice. I asked a friend of mine, who was slaving away at the most snobbish of all white shoe law firms (hint: not this one). When I asked her if I could call her she responded with: "Sure, how about tomorrow at 3" which seemed perfectly reasonable to me. However, when I said: "I'll call you at 3pm" I was met with: "I meant the other three." And thats not even the kicker - when I did call at 3am - her secretary picked up. Just thinking of this makes me feel better.

Oh - and for those of you who are wondering why this firm is the snobbiest of all - simple, they laughed at me at an interview. No one else quite holds their nose so high up in the air.

Shopping in New York

2006-03-04T14:02:00.000-08:00

I love living in NYC. In some ways it is a caricature - it has the best of everything that the United States has to offer: culture, food, entertainment, excitement...you name it. But, it also has the worst of everything the US offers: snobism, racism (in fact, many different types of isms - I'm just far to lazy to list them all), poverty, stress, noise and of course shady businesses.

This week I had a run in with a shady business. Or not I actually, rather my roommate. We were walking down 23rd Street between Sixth and Seventh avenues - and my roommate decided he'd inquire about the latest model of Apple Notebook computers that had just been released. We step into the store and my roommate asks:

"Do you carry the new model?" "

"Yes" he is told.

Looking skeptical my roommate asks: "Whats the screen size on them"

"12, 14 and 17 inches" responds the lazy looking salesman.

At this point my roommate thanks the salesman and we exit the store. I'm a bit confused - my roommate wants to buy the computer (in fact, will buy it later in the day) so why not here? We walk five yards. "The guy doesn't know what he is talking about" the roommate declares "the new model doesn't come in any of those sizes."

In a way - the encounter is a great reminder - in this city double check everything you're told by a salesman. Also, I hope to one day know enough about anything to know when I am being blatantly misled. Ah...New York.

A Stable America?

2006-02-23T09:20:00.000-08:00

By now, no doubt, most of you have heard that the South Dakotan State Senate has passed a law banning most forms of abortion ( the law ONLY permit abortion if the life of the mother is threatened by pregnancy, meaning that in cases of rape and incest abortion is illegal). The law is now likely to be passed by the South Dakotan House, and signed by the governor, who is a long time abortion opponent. The reason this happened? Many conservative activist feel that with the new justices appointed by Bush there is now a majority to overturn Roe v. Wade.

Now, this is very unlikely to happen. First of all, while the law will be challenged it is not likely to be upheld by the district court which is bound by the current state of the law. If the law is struck down, it is highly unlikely that the Supreme Court will grant cert. Four votes are needed for cert, and while there are clearly three justices willing to overturn, Justice Roberts has indicated no such desire. Should the district or circuit court find the law constitutional however, the Supreme Court will have to take the case setting up the grand showdown. Should this happen - the result is unpredictable, particularly so as President Bush may have an opportunity to appoint at least one more justice.

However, there is another important part to this debate. During Samuel Alito's confirmation hearings several influential senators, including John McCain indicated that they though Roe was safe because America is a stable country, where such monumental changes are unlikely. I always found the argument a bit disingenuous. I understand why McCain uses it - its the only way for him to reconcile his presidential ambitions and anti-abortion views, but it doesn't make him correct. America is, and has always been, subject to significant transformations over short periods of time - particularly so when driven by the Court. Take the rights revolution for example - in a period of less then five years the courts, using cases like Goldberg v. Kelly and the hard look doctrine in Overton Park, largely re-wrote the administrative law playbook, radically changing the nature of our regulatory state. Similarly, Roe itself was a very sudden decision that shocked many. America is politically stable, but that doesn't mean, that it is not susceptible to huge shifts in social values and politics over short periods of time.

And the behavior of South Dakota's politicians indicates just that. Seeing an opportunity they are trying to ram through their vision of what society should be like, one that would be quite a radical shift to the country. They might not succeed, but that doesn't mean that its impossible....a view that many who relied on McCain's words best consider.

Sole Organ?

2006-02-16T06:38:00.001-08:00

Lost in the recent debate about the President's authority to order wiretapping of American citizens without warrants is the broader question of the President's Constitutional authority in the realm of foreign affairs. Thus it is refreshing when a respected commentator finally picks up on the point. Today, George Will, a Conservative columnist for the Washington Post, finally picks up this point writing:

"Besides, terrorism is not the only new danger of this era. Another is the administration's argument that because the president is commander in chief, he is the "sole organ for the nation in foreign affairs." That non sequitur is refuted by the Constitution's plain language, which empowers Congress to ratify treaties, declare war, fund and regulate military forces, and make laws "necessary and proper" for the execution of all presidential powers . Those powers do not include deciding that a law -- FISA, for example -- is somehow exempted from the presidential duty to 'take care that the laws be faithfully executed.'"

Non lawyers may not recognize the language Will is referencing. The language is from United States v. Curtiss-Wright, a little known, but important, Supreme Court case from 1934. In Curtiss-Wright Justice Sutherland wrote that:

[T]he President alone has the power to speak or listen as a representative of the nation. He makes treaties with the advice and consent of the Senate; but he alone negotiates....The President is the sole organ of the nation in its external relations, and its sole representative with foreign nations.

Unfortunately, this language has become the starting point for any discussion of executive power in foreign affairs - be they affairs of security, commerce, or regulatory policy. Why unfortunately? Because not only was Justice Sutherland's opinion dicta, and therefore, not binding, his theory was badly reasoned. The constitution does not provide for the President to be the sole actor on foreign policy; rather it carefully structures the power so that the President can be held accountable by the legislature. This is why the President needs approval from the legislature when he completes international agreements, and this is why the legislature can severely undermine the ability of the President to negotiate internationally through the use of its purse string power, appointments, and other powers.

Over time, the balance of power between the President and the legislative branch has shifted to reflect the priorities of the day. Thus, in the late 1800 the Congress increasingly deferred to the President in the area of international trade policy. Similarly, as David Golove and Bruce Ackerman have shown, in the 1940s the legislative branch approved international agreements through the use of fast track procedures so as to give the President additional leverage in the international arena. What has never happened, however, is the President having a blank check in foreign affairs; rather the relationship was always structured so as to protect the twin goals of accountability and efficiency.

Today, it seems the Executive branch sees itself as solely responsible, and therefore, inherently not accountable to anyone in the area of foreign affairs. Not only does this make for bad policy, but it is also dangerous for our constitutional order and its nice to see someone as respected as Will commenting on it. Now its time for Congress to join. Will they?

A little bit of this, and a little bit of that

2006-02-15T10:41:00.000-08:00

So last night I went out for dinner with a friend of mine. We went to a place on Upper West Side called Metisse, which they advertise as a French bistro. Now, I am not normally a big fan of French restaurants. They tend to be overly pretentious, the food too rich, and the portions ridiculously small. Normally, after eating at one I can't help but feel that the place is full of itself. Not so here. The atmosphere was delightful, the staff were friendly - the Maitre d' reminded me of Carl from Casablanca, a bit portly and very friendly. Even the bathroom's were interesting, designed for early 20th Century french style.

The food itself was wonderful. Not overly rich, and the portions were reasonable - leaving room for desert, but not making one feel as if they had to have a second dinner. I had salmon with mashed potatoes in cucumber/tomato sauce - and enjoyed them. An no, not just because there were mashed potatoes involved. My friend had the couscous - and also enjoyed it. Best of all, were the wine recommendation. I asked for a recommendation not recognizing any of the wines on the list (apparently, they are mostly from small wineries). I was fully expecting the waiter to suggest the most expensive one on the menu. He didn't. Rather he recommended an amazing Bordeaux, which was quite reasonably priced. Easily one of the best wines I've ever had, though not as nice as the Bulgarian Mavrud, but hey, no one is perfect.

All in all, a great experience. The restaurant was a bit crowded, but it being V-day - that was to be expected. I'm looking forward to going back on a reasonably quiet day - and enjoying a nice relaxing, quite dinner - which is affordable. Quite a rarity on the UWS, or so it seems at times.

Shifting gears. My roomate sent me this last night. I think its great. It seems that a group of Israeli cartoonists decided that the proper response to the Iranian president's call for a contest of anti-Semitic cartoons is to outdo them. I love it - it completely trivializes the Iranian president, making him seem a bit like a petulant child (though, given his thirst for nukes, admittedly a dangerous one).

Welcome

2006-02-12T19:08:00.000-08:00

Welcome to my blog.

Before I write anything else, I should explain that I am not in fact Ilya Ehrenberg. Rather, Mr. Ehrenberg was a writer/poet/journalist from the USSR who served as a link between the Soviet Union and Western Intellectuals. While Mr. Ehrenberg was a very controversial figure, particularly as he was the only surviving member of the Jewish Anti-Facist Committee. However, in at least two respects Mr. Ehrenberg proved a hero to many. First, his editorials during World War II inspired many a Red Army soldier causing them to fight on. So effective was his writing, that the Nazi's institute a death penalty for anyone caught with one of his articles. Second, he was one of the few Jewish intellectuals in the USSR to stand up to Stalin during the Doctor's Plot period.

In any case, being a big fan of Mr. Ehrenberg and seeing imitation as the sincerest form of flattery I have chosen to adopt his name. Stay tuned for further posts.